the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
