i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
