There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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