How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
