I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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