I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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