I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
