i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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