So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
