Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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