I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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