what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
