This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
