it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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