So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
