Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
