I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
