I could make wine with my vomit
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
