the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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