My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
