my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
