The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
