I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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