You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
