Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
