this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
