So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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