In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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