what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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