Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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