Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
