We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize