Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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