so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
