Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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