does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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