a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
