Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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