i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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