i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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