i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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