Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
