I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
