is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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