Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
