I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
