It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
