I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
