i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
