i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
