This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize