I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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