I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
