6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
