The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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