hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
