I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize