I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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