who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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