Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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