hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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