All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
