don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
