shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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