I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
