That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
try to milk me bitch
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
