Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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