Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
