And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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