We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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