Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
