I didn't shave. On purpose
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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