Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize